Remember the tantrum-guy from last week. How ridiculous he looked hitting the ceiling in his full-blown Adult fit… I laugh and from a distance who wouldn’t. But when you look in the mirror and think of all the things that didn’t go your way, you realize that dude was probably you at one time or another.
One way that I have managed (not without painful growth) to control myself and pull it together quickly is to learn to manage my expectations and lower my energies to match them. Doing too much, hoping too big and seeing things that just wasn’t there had generally ended with me being devastatingly disappointed. I mean crash and burn… over and over again. Ok… isn’t that the definition of INSANITY: doing the same old things expecting a different outcome? “Yeah, yeah I know all that” we tell ourselves “but maybe this is the time, they will get it… maybe this time they will pick up what I am putting down… ”And did they; did the situation I wanted most work out…? NOPE. The last resort… “I’VE BEEN A GOOD DAUGHTER, God! Well I have tried…”
And then HE said…”~~~~~~~ do you trust Me~~~~~~~” (and then there was a pin-drop silence)
And then I said…. “hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, of course I do. But You take toooooooo long. Why is everything in Your timing? Ya know, for You a thousand years is like a minute, but for us one of Your minutes is like a thousand years. And God I only got like 100 if I’m lucky (and that’s stretching it.)
He said, “Go out on the patio, what do you see?” I got up and went outside onto the patio that overlooked a common shared green space. Arching its borders like a fence was a row of tries, separating the apartments from the sidewalk outside and then the street. Beyond the trees was a quiet city and over a couple of streets rose the Puyallup fairgrounds.
He drew me back in when He said… “See the trees? They are there for your protection. These trees shield you from the world out there. They protect you; they hide you; they shade you & the mess can’t get to you… I am protecting you. I am giving you rest, respite, time to get yourself together again.”
HIM: “Remember Cheryl and how she blessed you to stay with her in the beautiful home on the hill… (It was the mountaintop experience you begged me for) … What was so special about that place?”
Me: I was surrounded by …. TREES… wow. “Thank you God!”
HIM: “Would you rather I not protect you and….”
Me: “no, no, no… but I get so frustrated. When are you going to answer my prayer?!”
HIM: “~~~~~~~~~~~ do you TRUST Me? ~~~~~~~~~~”
Me: “You’ve been faithful and have answered every prayer that I’ve ever had, so…. Yes, I trust You.”