"No" Can Be a Beautiful Thing

Remember throwing a complete tantrum when hearing the words “No” as a child? Shamefully some of us adults are still stuck in that mode… that was me about 5 years ago, but that’s an issue for another time. Noooooo really bites when you want something badly. But here’s the thing about NO, parents that don’t tell their children NO from time are lacking love. Its true! And I will tell you why… Hearing NO builds the ability to problem solve, work through disappointment in a healthy way and adjust. A child that never hears the word NO develops “Broken Fence Syndrome” aka doesn’t understand BOUNDARIES… and an #EntitlementMentality. That’s where someone believes they should have what they don’t necessarily deserve, have not worked towards or earned. And if you don’t give them what they want… they MELT DOWN! Because “NO” does not exist in their world (Mars or Uranus) they don’t know how to process it. Now the reason I say parents are not loving when they don’t OCCASIONALLY say no, they are handicapping their child and setting them up for failure. They only see NOW and not the FUTURE turmoil and utter confusion their child will experience with REJECTION! This behavior, is the fruit of brokenness that parent has to resolve in their own hearts. Not being able to say NO is the “fruit of a bad root.”

But… LEARNING TO TELL yourSELF NO, is one of the best things you could do for yourSELF! It’s a necessary step in developing SELF-Love, SELF-Respect and SELF-Trust. Be honest, how much love do you extend to people you neither respect or trust? You gets nuthin’ from me if I don’t trust or respect you. So how much more does that apply when it comes to SELF?

Y'all know I’m single and dating, right? And I want nothing more than to have A HEALTHY romantic love relationship ...uh with someone else… besides mySELF, #LovingMe. This week, someone left a note on my apartment door saying, “Hi neighbor I’m So-N-So, saw you at our apartment’s Ice Cream event call me anytime.” That’s kinda creepy, but I was mildly curious so I decided to call… several hours later. He introduced himself and I remembered seeing him walking the cutest little dog though the courtyard. Later the next day, while enjoying the “Golden time of the day” (nod to Frankie Beverly and Maze) which I do often… I love Georgia sunsets, I hear someone yelling “Hey Neighbor! Did you get my note?” Mind you, I live on the top floor – yep, a little weird. But I said, “I did, you should bring the baby (the dog) up sometime.” He responded, “Just waiting on the invite.” I wasn’t sure what to make of it and I just felt some uneasy vibes. So I did that thing I do and that is pray for discernment. As the sun was going down I text him to swing by for an on-the-patio chat and he was on my doorstep in 2 minutes. I greeted him and led him directly through my dimly lit apartment to the patio, he seemed surprised that I had a roommate. That gave me pause, but I didn’t want to judge too quickly. I should gather more data before making a determination… I asked questions, he answered and roommie chimed in… we all talked. Asked how long he had the dog, who was so lovingly social… he said “My therapist, told me to get a dog.” Man I wanted so badly to ask, why… but I figured the answer would reveal itself if he kept talking. Well, in about 20 minutes he made his exit. Over the next couple of days we started texting each other. He asked me to come over to his place and I declined. You see, I have a boundary that I’ve set for myself… and that’s not to go over men’s houses I barely know… ESPECIALLY at night. I don’t “Netflix and chill” I know that’s old… but it’s real. He pretended not to understand… (head tilt). After about an hour of texting, he said… oh do you mean sex? He said he understood, but texted me the NEXT 7 hours (text after text) trying to talk me out of my boundary. He explained, coaxed, even tried to manipulate into coming over to his place for an intimate dinner. Finally I said… If I have not been clear… “NO, NO THANK YOU.” And he said, “We are two adults, nothing will happen that we both don’t want to.” And that’s when I knew this horny old man’s elevator didn’t quite reach the top floor. I would’ve told him to lose my number when I found out he has been watching me on my patio for awhile… but I agreed to go to an upcoming party with him. And I wanted to collect a bit more data so that I wouldn’t cut him off prematurely. Determination: I BLOCKED HIM. No, no, no… uh-uh. You see “No” can save your emotions, sanity, your time and even your life.

Back in the day, I may have jumped at this 6’2, seemingly intelligent, financially stable man. But today, I love myself enough to take my time, gather data… AND JUST SAY NO. Setting good boundaries (and keeping them), making good decisions, and being patient has helped me to trust God and myself.” NO” is the most beautiful thing when the results are SELF-Love, High SELF-Esteem, Self-Respect, SELF-Trust and the ability to do what you must to make yourSELF stronger, wiser and a better person. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy - yep it’s gonna take practice. But I promise, it’s gonna be the best step you can take in your SELF DEVELOPMENT - SELF-Care journey today. Get started and remember to say YES to joy.

For more on The Broken Fence Syndrome, Boundaries and SELF-Care, get your copy of 4SELF101, it’s not just for teens.

The Benefits of Wearing a Mask

There is too much controversy over whether we should wear masks or not during “this Pandemic.” You hear arguments that are in favor of wearing a mask in confined indoor spaces to protect from “airborne pathogens” and then there are several others that say the masks either don’t work or that they negatively impact respiratory systems.

To  be quite honest, the invent of COVID isn’t the first occurrence where people depend on wearing masks. Folks have been doing that for years. Yeah, you know where I’m going. SELF-development, SELF-esteem, SELF-Confidence… do you know the difference between character and personality? Character is the morality, traits, convictions of the inner-person and personality is what the individual wants the world to see (outward-ness) aka- The Mask.

I recently finished “Will” (Penguin Press, 2021) by Will Smith. And I realize sometimes you don’t really know if someone is presenting their genuine self or whether they are serving up “a representative,” what they think you need to accept them. The crazy thing is they don’t always KNOW that’s what they’re doing until you challenge them. The persona is usually a carefully crafted suit one puts together piece by piece until they are covered right. Who would think, Will Smith’s comedic flow/timing/genius were crafted for his protection? He said, and I paraphrase, “If people were laughing someone is not getting hurt.”

When I think of actors who live for applause, I realize that they aren’t much different from “PEOPLE PLEASERS” except they get paid … well the truth of the matter is, they both get paid. Actors get paid with a check and people pleasers get an intellectual/emotional pay-off. People often “dress it up” “be on their best behavior” serve up the “Representative” in order to “seal the deal” and then when everybody is comfortable, out comes the genuine article. Scooch up close and let me whisper to that person a little sum-sum…THAT’S LYING!!!

And the reason it’s usually NOT OK, when the truth comes out is because nobody likes being deceived. People who fall in love with the mask, are like “he/she changed!.”  No, uh no they didn’t. This is just the REAL PERSON, who finally felt secure enough to take off their covering.  If you’ve ever fallen sucker to the “bait and switch” just know, EVERYBODY is broken in one way or another.  They’re stuff is no worse than your stuff… unless they’re just out there slaying folks on purpose.

I used to be a people pleaser. I needed people that I liked to like me back, and I absolutely needed people to understand where I was coming from… I was overly “nice” and super sensitive, always trying to dodge “fussing and fighting” and the pain of rejection. But once I undertook counseling and self-development I came to understand, value and trust mySELF.  And that gave me the confidence to tell people: I am who I am (by the grace of God) and I don’t NEED you (or anyone) to like me because I like me. And if they have an issue with me … (#pinky finger). In all honesty, if they don’t support you, pay your bills, pr powder your bum… you could probably live without them, though you may not want to… you could make it.

There is a benefit of wearing this type of mask, though. It allows you to hide the REAL you and also delay the inevitable. In other words, the benefits are temporary and fleeting, because once the person that was deceived finds out the truth, the door opens to the very thing you tried to avoid in the beginning. And who’s to say it won’t devastate you more than the original pain. Nine times out of ten you will find yourself starting all over again. Why even go there? It’s a waste of time and energy for what a TEMPORARY FIX? Cut it out! You knowwww you’ve got issues, admit it and get some help! Did you like being hurt? Wearing a mask does a disservice to yourself and to others. Nobody likes a fake, disingenuous, deceitful person. You can start today, fix whatever is broken, take one step at a time, and I promise you, things will be aaaaa-ight  (#alright) Besides there is no “Ahhhhh” like the one you get while living FULLY ALIVE in all your glory! We need to experience REAL you, as unique, quirky, odd, quiet, nerdy, corny, slow, fast as you are!

For more information on People Please get your copy of 4SELF 101 HERE, it’s not just for teens.

Its Me not You

Have you ever liked someone and thought it was all going good until things started tapering off? I hate that, especially when you’re being consistent and giving it all you’ve got. Honestly, it can do a real number on your self-esteem if you are not as strong in your inner-being (SELF) as you thought. Even when you’re strong in your IDENTITY there are times… times when you may feel the universe is depriving you of the things you desire most. Seems like the more basic those things are, the worse you feel… “well what’s wrong with me?”

Let’s be real, sometimes relationships suck! And they suck most when you’ve committed your whole heart, soul, and time, and have invested your hopes and dreams and then… the other person starts trippin.’ I realize every 20 (30+) year marriage has fought through and survived this type of challenge. What is a “Covenant Commitment” anymore, I think they are fading. Now I’m an “always got one bag packed” kinda gal. And yep it’s a defense mechanism that I’ve formed from connecting with far too many emotionally unavailable people (thanx Dad.) This thing has fostered an “If anyone is gonna be shivering and cold (physically and emotionally stripped) due to the dying out of a once blazing fire…” It ain’t gonna be me. In fact, people are amazed at how quickly I move on. Lol, and I have to say this is a dysfunction that seems to serve me well. But, wisdom has taught me to use a method when I meet someone that has potential, called EQUAL ENERGY. It’s another way of saying, match your energy to someone else’s. After all, actions do speak louder than words. Being incredibly careful and reserved, helps you spot predators on the prowl, panty-robbers, guys looking to augment their harem, and those who love the IDEA of relationships but really aren’t able/ ready for one. And when you have boundaries… some people reallllly go to lengths to coax you off of them. This is why you HAVE TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE (and if you’re a believer, Whose you are) AND where you’re going. This queen right here has chosen not to “go that extra mile” until our “ENERGY LEVEL” is balanced (100 to 100). You pull back, so will I. But if you push to go too fast, faster than what’s natural for the zone we’re in… you gonna get slowed down. And if that’s a problem… next.

Face it, some things we want don’t really fit. And not everyone who shows attention to you is dating material. You’ve got to be especially careful when you’re lonely and feeling thirsty. Sometimes a compliment is just that and should be left with ONLY a smile and a thank you. Most times it's the universe’s way of saying “I see you, and you’re looking good.”

At the end of the day, can you look in the mirror and say, God has my best in mind, and He is not withholding it from me? Remembering that when I wasn’t even on His trip, He sent His Son to take lashes and die in my place. THAT’S what gives me VALUE… The King of Kings traded His own life for mine?!!! Mmmmm SMH. So now faith and trust are mine through which I can sober-mindedly determine who is worthy to receive my gifts. For me, it’s God (in all His Glory) that is MOST worthy to receive my unconditional, brakes off, reckless ever-burning love because He has never left or forsaken me. He answers EVERY TIME I called (even at midnight or 3:00 am) He always SHOWS UP for me. He wipes every tear, straightens my spine when I’m bent over, and heals my all wounds (emotional, physical, spiritual). You might say… well he’s perfect, after all… He is God. Yes, it’s supernatural and we can never expect man to be perfect. But men, showing up and being honest (from the beginning) is a great start, the best! Don’t get me wrong, delaying PHYSICAL gratification, is sooo hard, but lowing your standards just to have someone will create more issues than it will solve (#SELF-Esteem) issues.

Esteem yourself as being worthy of the best, know it, repeat it and pamper yourself - that’s SELF-care.

The hardest thing I have ever said aloud is (and I’m not entirely sure that I’ve reached the pinnacle that makes the following statement 100% true, but…) If I never have another whirl-wind long-term romance, I can be satisfied knowing that I am loved right now at the highest level. Cherish and live for the love of people you know love and cherish you. And if that love doesn’t SATISFY you, you’ve gotta ask yourself why. And that place is a good place to fix any cracks. In the meantime Never let anyone else determine your value or worth. … Step up your SELF-care (SELF-Love) thing until you know within yourSELF that you’re better than gold. So, the next time someone says, “It’s not you it’s me” you can say under your breath… “Damn right!” After all that… Never lose hope: Good honest people do still exist, just stay open and be ready to receive those gifts as they come.

If you struggle just know as always, I got some help for you, For Life Coaching, a listening ear or Prayer… CLICK HERE.

Get your copy of 4SELF101 here. It’s not just for Teens.

Draw the Line

We’ve been talking about communication, which is complex enough, with gender biases, and having compassion or not when you speak to others. “Letting people have it” we discovered IS NOT a good form of communication, mainly due to the fact that by the time a person gets there, they’re just ready to dump whatever has been “on their chest” and they have little patience to hear the other person’s point of view… until they’ve said what they NEED to. “Giving someone a piece of you mind” is an aggressive, in-your- face way of confronting an issue… there are better ways. And let me tell you why, someone whose been verbally abused will just shut down on you.

On the other end of the spectrum is the passive communicator - who may be timid, doesn’t want to “rock the boat” or is afraid of backlash (punishment or rejection.) The problem with passivity is that it usually leaves the communicator wishing that they said this or that (#shoulda, woulda, coulda.) Basically, they were intimidated and unable to get their point across. I used to be that way until I got tired of being trampled. Wanna know the real issue here? Passivity equals fear (people-pleasing) or is an indicator of “Broken Fence Syndrome” (problem with BOUNDARIES.) Here’s the thing about boundaries, they protect you if and only if you CREATE, SET and GUARD them. In other words, they can’t work if you set them but don’t enforce them. If whenever your boundaries are challenged you crumble… you’re gonna find yourself feeling abused and frustrated all over again.

Look at your life and determine where you need safeguards. Create boundaries (that you can keep) and “draw a line in the sand.” Make clear in your own mind “the WHY” and look for it… every Tom, Nancy and Harry to challenge them. those fence bulldozers that know as long as there are no set boundaries….. NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS (#everything’s game.) And they pride themselves on applying the right amount of pressure, persuasion, manipulation, guilt, whatever it takes to “make you crumble.” To them its a game. What they’re after is “making things go back to the way they’re used to to.” And they try to make it feeeeel like, you’re the one with “the problem.” But I’m here to tell you… IT’S TIME. It’s time to make your SELF, your desires, God-given destiny and goals PRIMARY! And the first step in right direction is being able to stand firmly on ONE POINT. Start with just one….ONE VALID, VITAL POINT: And become intimately knowledgible about IT. Know the meaning of it and how to communicate everything about it. Know what it is and what it IS NOT. Here POINT #1:

I AM WHO i am (by the Grace of God)

And THEN add to that:

POINT #2: I am worthy of the best in Life.

These two points, are cornerstones in a firm foundation which anyone could build a successful life upon. So you have TWO VITAL Life Points, set a few boundaires protect them… Draw your line in the sand… Set out your “Don’t Stand on the Grass” ssigns… and then be ready to look ANY OFFENDER/trespasser IN THE EYE (without blinking) to say, “Uh uh uh… DOHNT-EEEEEEVEN-TRRYYYYY-IT!“

Serious question though: How does one know what boundaries, rules and barriers to create to SELF-protect, if they are not sure of their own NEEDS/WANTS? That is a good question, ain’t it?! Scooch up close and let me whisper this in your ear… “The way to hold your line is to first know that you have the authority to do so.” Each of us has at least one person in our lives that we would go through the fire and storms for (or with)… you’ve got to be that way with your SELF. And to get there you’ve got to LOVE and RESPECT you. If you are not there… the ONLY WAY to get there is to spend time with yourSELF and either get to know or REDISCOVER who you are. BEcasue the bottom line is and I am sure you’ve heard it a million times… and that is IF YOU DON’T LOVE/RESPECT YOURSELF. The problem many face is that they don’t really know WHAT LOVE IS, or what it feels like. And that, my friend is a reeeeeal issue (#brokenness.)

Drawing a line, making your stance OR setting boundaries ARE ALL MUTE POINTS, if what you are attempting to protect has no value in your eyes…you have value! IF you’re having trouble believing it, lets talk.

BEING

The clock is striking 12, and Cinderella’s dream is fading into a mist. And think we all have a little bit of “Ella” in each of us. There’s that fantasy vision of who we want to be and then there’s that person we see when we look into the mirror. How many of us can literally say, I am totally happy with who I am? I often say as a response to people’s “How are you?”… “I am soooo good, if I were any better there would be two of me.”

I’ve been at this SELF Development thing for many years and ya know what? I have still not “arrived” - let that be a lesson to everyone who thinks by buying a “DO BETTER” course and following a formula will get you to where you want to be. ITS A JOURNEY, one that takes a lifetime but which starts with a made up mind and one step, and another and another. (That’s mine, quote me if you like.) But only elements of what I’ve done right (and wrong) can be tiny pieces of what it takes to get you where you need to be and visa versa. Its crazy when you look at it… remember your parent (or teacher) saying “DO AS I SAY?” It took a certain level of faith and certainly trust to follow those directions and believe that everything would turn out right. And some of us “overly inquisitive” rebellious or hardheaded folks fought directions from authority figures because… we didn’t want to be told what to do. Whatever that meant for the individually, I can certainly say… there is most certainly a seat in the School of Hard Knocks with their name on it. As my elders used to say:

“A hard head makes a soft behind.” Which means if you are being called (by God, the Universe… or your destiny or whatever) to go down a certain path “for your making” you can either go willing or you can get beat every step down the path (if you choose) but one way or another …. YOU’RE GOING. The point is: We all have freedom of choice and guess what … The responsibility (and privilege) is that you get to choose. Just know, sometimes NOT CHOOSING is a choice. If that is your stance, what you get has nothing to do with LUCK but it will certainly out of your hands to control. So I’m saying it’s much better to CHOOSE one thing or the other if for no other reason you can track and tweak the result (and find what works best for you.)

Anyway… self development is an INTENTIONAL endeavor. For what I offer (4SELF) you get out what you put in #tailor-made experience. But the first decision you must make is that you are worth it.

I guess for the majority of my life, I have been so much better at DOING than being. The weirdest thing as I’ve been relentless in accomplishing the many visions I have had over the years to improve the community, families and/or individuals… I found out from try to discover SELF that my IDENTITY was based on what I did (and the accolades I received from “knocking it out of the park”) rather than who I am as a person. The problem there is, once your assignment is completed… you still don’t know who you are. In fact you feel less “important” or worthy because there is no more applause or recognition. I want you to ask yourself: “Who am I outside and apart from what I do?” And if you are like I was when asked, unable to give an intelligent answer… in fact I just stood there and cried… you’ve got some intentional SELF work to do. You may not be there per se… if you don’t know what your purpose is, or you have teens struggling with IDENTITY, they all do, or you’re coming out of a long term or toxic relationship… hitting a mid-life crises or even bout to graduate from high school - YOU’VE GOT TO … Know Thy SELF to get to the next stage.

Let me say it again, EVERYBODY NEEDS SELF DEVELOPMENT.

And a great place to start is getting 4SELF 101 and if you need a little Gre8tLife Coaching, CLICK here.

Thankful Hands

Okay, I want to share something very, very intense, and personal with you. I was unwanted… at first. Did you know that unborn babies experience their mother’s feelings while they are in their womb? And those feelings can stay with them through their lifetimes? I never knew the full story until I was an adult. My parents married young, probably right after graduation. Dad went into the military and Mom was the “stay at home wifey.” I don’t know when the drama started or who started cheating first but by the time, I was three, Mom was “fleeing for her life,” my sisters were living with my Aunt and the ink was drying on the divorce papers.

The short version is: Cross daughter #3, Wanda, was a sick baby. Despite the wheezing, coughing, and etc., my Mom neglected to get her to the doctor, I don’t know why she waited so long. But on the way up the elevator to the doctor’s office Wanda stopped breathing. When the doors finally opened the nurses snatched Baby from Lenora’s arms to revive her, but to no avail. And where was Dad? IDK. Thank God his brother Ken, who I call “Uncle Daddy” was there for moral support. That must’ve been the last straw. This was the day she must’ve decided to never have any other kids with “that man.” But little did she know that there was already a bun in the oven… me.

I wouldn’t say that I am afraid of heights, but whenever I stood at the top of the stairs, I would always see myself tumbling down them. That was so weird and it bothered me to the point that I did what I do when I am between a rock and a hard place with no where to to… and that is (you guessed it) pray. But really it’s deeper that that. I rondevous with my Divine Father, the source of like EVERYTHING, especially wisdom. Not that I have to qualify that, but I’ve lived without my earthly father all my life and someone led me to a passage in The Book that says, “… God will be a father to the fatherless.” And I gave it a try, and let me tell you, He is literally the BESTEST FATHER ever. So I go to Daddy (God), I talk, I cry, ccomplain and even sometimes cuss… but then a sense of warmth and comfort blankets me like a warm shower and then … I listen. Once I learned what His voice sounded like there has never been a void of meaningful conversation between, He and I.

And He said to me: “When your mother threw herself down the stairs to abort you, I held you together.” HIS HANDS HELD ME TOGETHER. Wow, even now it takes my breath away. Imma let that set right there for a second…. It’s kinda interesting that He’s also given me the gift of healing. Now don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t work without Him. Its His healing virtue that flows through my hands when He ordains it. Understand this, EVERYONE HAS GIFTS, so I am not saying in any way that I am more special than anyone else. But I am saying, He held me and I have the awesome privilege (for which I am very grateful) to hold others. Hugging my children and grands (and adopted kids) give me life. When people are “going through” stuff they sometimes don’t need words - and divine wisdom helps you decern whether a person needs a hug or just to be emotionally held. When people are uncomfortable with physical contact, I just give them my undivided attention. Listening with care can do wonders.

Hugs can heal. Hands can help do work. Holding someone’s hand can strengthen them, Holding attention fosters respect and also affirms. And because hands can harm, one must be especially responsible when they offer “a hand” or experience consequences (and reprocussions) for not. So, I “High-five” (or fist bump) you  for trackin’ wit me. I appreciate you; I hold you up spiritually and if you need an emotional hand… I got your back! Need help, CLICK HERE.

Oh, I forgot, to end the story. Near the end of her life my mother told me that she used to purposely fall down the basement stairs while pregnant with me. (I already knew.) The strong hands of God held me together in my Mom’s womb (Thank you Father) … and when I was born on Thanksgiving Day, she looked me in the face and called me Angel.  

Inner-Child 1: Siblings

We all have an inner child.  For a long time, I lost track of mine.  But you know, hhhhhh…. That child’s experiences and the emotions, and antidotes, are to a large degree the reason we are who we are today. Its crazy, I had a hard childhood and I’ve blocked so much from my memory that there are gaps… like for instance, I hardly remember any of my schoolteacher’s names. But in a lot of ways, my childhood was great. We were one of 2 black families in the whole area (and there was racism) but we made friendships that remain to this day.

I think our tiny house was haunted… but “County” living (in what used to be a middleclass neighborhood) let us leave our doors unlocked at night and hang out until the wee hours of the morning on the side lawn, back yard or under the big tree in the front yard (which is now gone). I mostly hated sharing a room with my baby bruh, who would tear up the room in 5 minutes after I spent all day cleaning it. “Mommmmmmmmmm!!!!” I’d scream … and she’d just say 1 of 2 things, “Oh boys will be boys” OR “Don’t you hit my baby.” He was a bad little m-effer and no day went by that we didn’t want to just kill ‘em. Today, he’s the first to admit it too, lol. But! Sharing a room came in handy to get through the “Saturday Night Fights” (Pop arriving home to a very  drunk & angry Mom after partying all night.)  We clung to and consoled each other until the bumps and yelling stopped.

When my 2 older sisters who had lived with my father’s sister, Doris finally came home, I had forgotten they existed. After all they were gone for “temporary” 1-1/2 years.  In that time, we lived with my grandmother, and Mom fell in love, got married and had another baby.  At 3-4 that was practically half of my young life. I was so excited and all I ever wanted to be “one of them.” But I pushed and pushed so much so that I got into things that no elementary school kid should’ve gotten into. Things that made me grow up too fast.  Momma was very strict, and she expected so much… too much from us. After that last fight, the breaking of my mother’s nose and the divorce, the dust began to settle and life got back to normal, until… my big sis Renee refused to attend and graduate from school. I woke up to bumping, Renee was standing up in the tub under the head with Mom’s hands wrapped around her neck.  Next thing you know she was on a plane to California to stay with our uncle. Tired of Mom’s anger and abuse, it wasn’t long until Merel (13) and I (10) ran away (with the help of my aunt Doris) to be with our father also in California. Dad, however, returned us after 6 months and Renee came home too.  And then… life became stable.

But I remember sitting on my “Corner Unit” bed wondering what a “normal life” was like, when a big, wonderful breeze would fill the room with a marvelous, sweet aroma.  In that moment, I knew that someone somewhere loved me and that everything would be alright. Well one day, I just had to know the source of this natural phenomena.  I stood up on my bed and pressed my face to the screen, and I strained to see… and in the bottom of my periphery I saw but just barely, some itty-bitty pink pedals. I put the real estate classifieds aside which I checked every day, I jumped down and I ran straight out the front door.  I made my way down the side of the house and there it was! A honeysuckle bush. I ran to it and buried my face in it. Ohhh! I couldn’t take in enough of its sweetness. The joy I felt upon realizing the roots were on our property! It was nestled in the corner of the  backyard fence that was connected to the edge of the house. I ran through the front door, down the quarter stairs and out the back door and ahhhhhaaaaaa… there it was.  Immediately, I spotted an opening like a little doorway at the bottom and inside I crawled. There was enough room for me to sit up and I stayed there for hours, pulling stems, sucking honey, and reminiscing about my past life. The one where I lived somewhere else… with my daddy. I had found a secret place all my own where I could be safe and I spent many, many, hours there.

You know what?  I can trace all of my adult issues through the lines of this story. I bet if you wrote down, your story (we all have one) that you could do the same. You may see things  (even yourself) in a way you haven’t before.  This is a healing process, one that will bring you strength and joy, so finish it by talking to someone (a professional) who can help you sort it all out. Now… you’re on the way to a HappyLife.

By the way, you’ve just had a sneak peek into my soon coming children’s book series (stay tuned.)