Well not literally “Crack” but constantly thinking about loneliness and wanting somebody in your life can feel like fiending for a drug. Why does it STAY ON MY MIND? You might ask yourself. For the next couple of weeks, I want to talk about the ROOT and the FRUIT of this thing, I think you may be surprised …
It is far easier to be sucked into the will of our EMOTIONS than it is to stop and discover WHY you reacted (and keep reacting) this way. Emotions can (and will) control you if you let them. How many times have you said, “I can’t help how I feel”? If the feelings DRIVE you to act a certain kind of way… you are UNDER the influence and control of your “monkies” (which sometimes puppet you through your emotions.) This especially true if you have asked yourself “why did I do (or say) that?” And your answer has been “I couldn’t help it, I just had to blah, blah, blah…” Yeah, you are … hate to say it, out of control.
Emotions are connected to experiences. The more traumatic the experience, the sharper the emotion. Trauma causes wounds, and these kinds of wounds cannot not be healed by time. You’ve heard that saying… “Time heals all wounds”? That’s a straight up lie. Let me tell you what happens when you leave it up to “time” to address your trauma, or “monkies”… The wound grows a scab on the surface, like it’s healing but every time it’s bumped there’s blood and guts. The crazy thing is the SELF-protection mode is mostly subconscious and you may not (at times) even realize that how you’ve reacted until it’s all over. In one of the previous posts I talked about the “inner vow” which is a promise we make to ourselves to “not go” or allow others to “take us” there again. And it takes a lot of time and energy to guard that gate. Sometimes we go on year after year subconsciously guarding that gate and are surprised (or even frustrated) when we want, expect or hope for different outcomes. That’s deep I know, but track wit me…
For example: You dated a fiiiiine brown-skinned, tall dude named Steve who turned out to be a verbally abusive womanizer. You finally got sick and tired of being treated like crap… and so you decided never again (inner vow)! Now anytime you see an attractive tall brown-skinned dude your stomach turns, and you run in the opposite direction. Why? Because you never dealt with the real issue and so you just automatically protect yourself from the “bad.”
Because you fiend for a relationship and Steve is “your type” … Tall, built, brown-skinned and bowlegs are an extra bonus. You want a sexy man, but your type is what you like and you have a right to like what you like right? And when you “settle” for something else you’re never quite satisified. Why is that? Well, I humbly suggest that your “monkies” have something to do with that… There’s so much more to the monkies… come back next week and we will talk more about this “relationship monkie” and how to get your power back.
For more on Monkies get 4SELF 101 (see chapter 8 “Hello Monkies.)